In Your Eyes

I met this man way back 2001. We met through common friends. I thought I found the right one. It was my first serious relationship and I can consider my first love. Whew! "First Love" what a word? But it did work for me. I can never forget him. Maybe until the day I die. He will be a part of me.

There was no long courtship. We talked everyday on the phone. We exchanged emails and just that. Summer vacation came when I finally had my chance to go to Manila. Ooppss, this was a long distance relationship. I was in Davao and He was in Manila. I was in college while he was working. My Manila day came. We met. Oh! I remember! He brought me "sisig". He knew it was my favorite. While I was enjoying my vacation that was when we became closer and closer. Until one day he asked me if I can be his girl. Then, I said yes!

I was so happy. He made me feel extra special and so loved that made me fall for him even more. We had so many fun times together. I thought that was everything. I gave him all of me. He was my first in everything and I mean everything. But, the fairytale ended when I have to leave again to finish my studies. While away from him, I thought he can wait but it turned out to be the other way around. 

I was preparing to see him again during our Semestral Break when I learned that he was seeing someone else. I knew it because suddenly he was so cold and even stopping me to go to Manila again. It was a shocking news for me. I thought my life ended at that moment. I can't even speak and say anything. All I did was to cry and hurt myself. I cant' find the answer why he did that to me. I was so lost. The time came when I had to face my fear. I went to Manila. Feeling so down and depressed.

On my first morning back in Manila, I saw him with his new girl passed by. They were holding hands and laughing. They didn't see me that time because I hid when I saw them but still my eyes were looking at them. My world crashed. I felt like screaming but I can't. I kept silent but crying inside. 

After several weeks that I was in Manila, finally we talked. I asked him why he did that he just replied, " Kasi wala ka...".  I can never forget the exact words he told me. Everytime I ask him the same question. He was giving me the same answer. From then on, we had an awful relationship. Sometimes we're okay but most of the time we can't stand the sight of each other. 

 It took me years to get over him. It took me years to even forgive and look at him  straight in his eyes. It took me years to understand the reason why it all happened.  It took me years to even forgive myself why it didn't turned out well for us. I am just glad things are better now. We may not be that close, at least, we don't fight anymore like we used to. Joffre will always have this special place in my heart because of him I learned how to open my doors and because of him I learned to be strong. 

Notes to Joffre:

Jofz,

I may have not thank you enough for everything you have done to me. Be it good or bad. Be it a fun memory or not. What matters most was I learned from everything. We both have our lives now yet I am grateful that we still consider each other as friends like how we started. It was true that time heals all wounds and that's what exactly happened to me. I pray for your success and happiness always. I wish you well in life.

Thank you because IN YOUR EYES... I saw that once you loved me indeed.